The D.B. List by Rebekah L. Purdy

Author:Rebekah L. Purdy [Purdy, Rebekah L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Issues, mental illness, Young Adult, friendship, dating, teen
ISBN: 9781946700124
Publisher: Swoon Romance
Published: 2017-06-13T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Sixteen

Therapist Angel sits across from me. She takes a sip of tea from a mug shaped like a cat; its tail wrapped upward like a handle. She sets my notebooks down and smiles at me.

“You’re making such great progress, Ellie. I’m glad you’re sharing everything.”

I shrug because I don’t really have a choice. Some of the memories make me happy, while others downright destroy me all over again. Unless that’s the point. To relive the darkness.

“I’m trying,” I say.

“Have you had any recent thoughts about death, or wanting to hurt yourself?” She watches me.

The truth is, I’m trying to hold them at bay. To not think about how good it feels to release my pain. To cut my arms. My legs. Anything to help me cope. My focus for the last couple of weeks has been on finding other things, ways to make the voices and negative thoughts and feelings just go away.

“Ellie?” She sets her cup down and leans forward.

“I’m doing better.” Which isn’t exactly the answer she wants, I can tell by the softening of her eyes. The worry lines in her brow.

“That’s not what I asked, Ellie. For this to work, we need to be honest with one another.”

With a sigh, I close my eyes. “The thoughts are lessening. They’re more at the back of my mind than at the front. If that makes sense.” My lids open, and I stare at her.

She nods, then jots something down in my file. “Well, that’s a much better answer than you had when you first got here. Now, the one thing I’ve noticed in these journals is that there seems to be a common factor in a lot of your thoughts.”

I stiffen. Will whatever it is she’s seeing keep me here forever? Shit. Maybe I should lie. Paste on a big fucking smile and pretend the powers of Lovely Soul Institution have healed me. But Therapist Angel can read me too well, so she’ll see through the bullshit. Damn it.

“I’m seeing that there’s a lot of negative impact from your parents. The pressure they put on you. I wonder if maybe we had a joint session with them that we could alleviate some of those pressures for you?”

My stomach knots. I’m not sure how it will go. My parents are very set in how they think children should be raised. They never took any advice from my grandparents, so I don’t see them allowing Angel to dictate any changes in the way we live. Somehow, they’ll find a way to blame me.

“I-if you think it’ll help,” I say, trying to seem like I’m willing to work at it.

“They don’t have to be a permanent fixture in our meetings. But I’d like to get a better idea of a few things. So why don’t I call them today and see if they can make the next visitation day later this week.”

God, I want to say no. That I’m not ready to see them again. However, I nod. If sitting in a room with my mom and dad will get me out of here quicker, then I’ll do it.

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